It's bad enough that economy passengers have to put up with a wide variety of less-than-ideal seatmates already - now there is a whole new beast to add to the list which already includes the Squirmy Unaccompanied Child, the Nervous Flyer, and the Couple Who Should Have Rented a Room. It's the Recently De-Classed Executive. Once safely ensconced in First or Business Class, these new innocent waifs are now trying to survive in the cheap seats. Here's how to recognize them.
How toRecognize a Recently De-Classed Executive:
- Overhead luggage bins thwart them and they seem to have a very poor sense of spatial perception., banging into seats, bulkheads, you. Everything is ... so... small.
- The vastness of the cabin startles them and they have trouble figuring out rows that have more than two seats in them.
- They try to rig up something so that they can hang their suit jacket so it won't wrinkle.
- Note theglassy-eyedstare as they lookat their laps - and their big widescreen laptops - in confusion as they realize that they don't even have room to fully open their briefcases.
- When someone in the next row starts to recline their seat, they push back.
- They keep accidentally elbowing you in the ear, in the side, and theirfumbling efforts to find the other end of their seatbelt could still result in an arrest for lewd behavior. Pay no attention. It's just that they never dreamed of having to fly so close to another human being.
- After hitting thecall button, they are amazed when entire minutes pass by without a flight attendant appearing at their side.
- They have no cash on them for headphones, blankets, or pillows.
- When the sparse "on-sale" items are all sold out before they realize they actually have to buy something to eat, they offer you a premium price for half of your sandwich.
- You've never even heard of thecomplicated mixed drink with premium liquorsthey try to order off the cart. Neither has the flight attendant - unless he or she has also been recently downsized from First Class.
- If there is a meal, they have troubleopening the cellophane packages around their not-at-all-silver silverware and don't know where to aim the pressurized coffee creamer so it doesn't spray all over them. Or all over you.
- They spend a really, really long time in the bathroom - it reminds them of the space they used to have all to themselves up in First Class.
- When the plane lands, they unsnap their seatbelts and spring up as if they will be getting right off the plane in mere moments. This may result in injury as they ram their heads into the unexpectedly low ceiling over the seats.
But there is a possible bright side. With all of these new passengers who know how finelife can be like on an airplane, maybe - just maybe more demanding, experienced customers will insist on better service and amenities for all.Okay, I know I'm dreaming. Now, if only my seatmate would keep his elbow out of my ear, maybe I could get back to sleep.
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