Through experience and observation, I've discovered that avoiding these five things can prevent crappy vacations, embarrassment and recriminations.
1. Murder mystery dinner theaters
Interactivity sounds like fun, doesn't it? Well, it isn't. It might get you thinking that it'll be something like trying your hand at acting, but really, it's something closer to being strapped to a chair and watching the worst movie you've ever seen, played out in slow motion (remember that scene in A Clockwork Orange?). What will you get for your overpriced entrance ticket? Most likely, a re-heated meal almost straight off the Sysco truck, and acting that would be considered mediocre at a junior high school playonly it'll be more annoying because the actors will be in your face the whole time.
2. Eating at the hotel buffet
Now, of course there are exceptions to this rule. In foreign destinations, though, it might seem like a safer bet than buying something from a street vendor with a little cart. Wrong. It's notoriously difficult to keep buffet items at the right temperaturesthe ones at which they won't become seething bacteria farmsand, I hate to break it to you, but you just can't trust your hotel. Trust is often what makes people eat salads or raw, unpeeled fruits and vegetablestomatoes, for instanceand they pay for it by exchanging a day in the sun for a day basking in the florescent glow of their bathroom light fixture. At least you can watch that street vendor cooking your food and tell him you'd like it a little more well-done.
3. Going to the zoo
Wonderland for children, exhibiting all the world's creatures! Again, yes, there are good zoos out there, but nine times out of 10, you can't find a more depressing activity. Watch as the bear paces back and forth on a well-worn path in the tiny enclosure that might be making him go nuts! Marvel at the seals' concrete bunker while trying not to pass out from the chlorine stench! Try a hike instead.
4. Getting in a fight
Admittedly, not something you plan. One minute, you're strolling down a tree-lined avenue, having a grand old time, but slowly, you become impatient and intolerant because you're hungry and tired and your feet have been worn to bloody nubs. Your companion says something, perhaps in jest, and you decide to take it the wrong way, and all systems engage for a full-on argument. Suddenly you're standing, arms akimbo, leveling an accusatory look, and then you're storming off to the hotel, alone, forgetting that you don't have a key. Not only is this a choice way to ruin, at best, an evening, or at worst, the next couple of days, it also makes you look like a colossal jerk. Not that I have any experience with this hypothetical scenario.
5. Getting your hair braided
Went to Cancun, did you? And spent some time at Seor Frog's? You don't say. I would never have guessed from the creative braiding of your hair!
This hair braiding thing that seems irreversibly endemic among the perennial drink-and-pass-out-for-fun spring break crowd is one of the surest ways to look like a dope when you step off the plane. Of course, you're going to look stupid while you're in your destination, too, but when you get back home, people are just going to wonder about your cleanliness (it's the upper-middle-class equivalent of dreadlocks) and wrinkle their noses at your sunburned, peeling scalp. Keep in mind, too, that it is horrifically unflattering on pretty much everyone.
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